An Interesting Altercation

I like love NEED to wash my hands.  I wash them very thoroughly and very vigorously on a frequent basis.  If I touch our dog, I wash my hands.  If I touch a bathroom door (or anything in a bathroom), I wash my hands.  If I touch a slightly dirty dish, I was my hands.  If I touch my hands, I wash my hands!  Well, not so much that last one, but I am very neurotic about my hands.  Why does any of this matter?  My vigorous hand washing practices can sometimes leave water on the counter around the sink.  I can’t deny that.

Handwashing

And now, we come to the event that has inspired this post.  I, having felt the need, went to the bathroom to, as the plebeians say, “take a dump.”  Thankfully, nobody else was in the restroom when I entered (I have a thing about using the bathroom when people are around, or can hear me, or smell my emanations, etc, but that’s a story for a different day), so I proceeded to layer toilet paper over the seat.  I sat down and took my dump.  As I prepared to commence wiping duties (hehe, “duties”), someone entered the restroom and headed into the other stall.  I finished my task, and pulled up my pants (using toilet paper as a buffer between my dirty hands and my clean pants, of course).  I heard the other individual finish up his dump as I prepared to exit my stall.  I headed to the counter and started washing my hands thoroughly, getting some water on the counter as I reached for the soap dispenser.  The other man, whom we will call “Joe” (because that’s his name), headed to the counter as well, just as I finished rinsing the soap from my hands.

He proceeded to remark, “You know, I notice that every time you wash your hands, you leave water on the counter.  I usually clean it up, but then I wondered why the hell I was cleaning up your mess.  Pay attention like you do at home.”  He then left the bathroom after a quick two-second rinse of his hands (I kid you not).  This man, “Joe”, never washes his hands after peeing, and apparently is fine with a ridiculously quick rinse after crapping.  Were I slightly bolder and less courteous, I would have replied to his rudeness with a comment of my own, “I’m sorry, does it disgust you when I leave water on the counter?  Wash your goddamn hands, you disgusting son of a bitch.”

I said no such thing, unfortunately.  Maybe next time he brings a file into my office, I’ll tell him to go wash his hands and prepare a new copy of the file for me, because I know where his hands have been.

Fuck you, “Joe”.  Wash your fucking hands.

-Because I said so

I’m the Ambassador of Kickyourassador. I am the Walrus. I’m on a highway to the Danger Zone. I am the Kwisatz Haderach.

I do things with words that have a generally geeky gist.

  • ancientwolf13

    It is amazing the number of people in the world that are just like Joe. You see them all the time and there are others that only wash because there are people there out of fear.

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