Come Over to Chris’ Kitchen (or C.O.C.K.) – Turkey and Cheese Sandwich

I’ve been on a bit of a sandwich kick lately.  A few weeks ago, I felt the need to make a turkey sandwich on regular sliced bread instead of going to a sandwich shop for something on a long roll.  We went to the local grocery store to stock up on sandwich supplies, and when we got home, I made some truly fantastic sandwiches.  I made many more sandwiches over the next few weeks.  I even made sandwiches last night.  I love making sandwiches.  I’m good at making sandwiches.  I’m a sandwich-man.  Nice to meet you.

The most important piece of a truly great sandwich is the bread.  You want something soft, supple, and smooth, but strong enough to hold everything together.  A dry, rough, crumbling piece of bread is no good for sandwichmaking.  The dryness makes the sandwich difficult to chew and swallow, which makes it very unappetizing.  Also, it makes the sandwich messier and structurally unsound.  This is why I generally stay away from the cheap store brands when choosing sandwich bread.  I enjoy Sara Lee and Wonderbread, but most of the premium breads have the necessary texture, so choose what you wish, but choose wisely.

He chose...poorly. Don't be that guy.

I like making two sandwiches, as with the “Grilled” Cheese Sandwich.  One is never enough, and three is sometimes too many.  Two is always just right.  I like a lot of lettuce on my sandwiches, so for two sandwiches, I’ll use most of a head of Romaine lettuce, or about a third of a head of Iceberg lettuce.  I prefer Iceberg, but we had Romaine, so tough shit.  I like preparing the lettuce first, since it has the longest preparation time of all of the ingredients.  Remember to thoroughly wash your lettuce before applying it to your sandwich.  Once you have washed the lettuce and cut it down to pieces that will fit on the sandwich without a great deal of overflow, set it aside and begin construction:

Construction begins with bread.  As I mentioned, two sandwiches is perfect for me, so two sandwiches is what we will make.  We take the bread and place it on the plate, like so:

You may be looking at this and saying, "But Chris, with the "Grilled" Cheese, you stacked the bread. You didn't lay it out like that!" To which I reply, "WHO'S THE ONE PRESENTING THIS RECIPE? SHUT YOUR FACE!" Jerk.

Once the bread has been prepared, we move on to our sandwich glue, Mayonnaise, which I like to apply liberally to both sides of the sandwich in order to provide moisture and adhesion:

Yeah, if only you had waited for ONE MORE SENTENCE, you would have seen why I laid the bread out differently, dingleberry.

Next, the cheese and the lettuce can be applied.  One slice of cheese per sandwich (unless you wish to double up), and an even distribution of lettuce.  Cheese goes on the bottom slice, lettuce on the top:

The final ingredient for this particular sandwich is the turkey.  I don’t like just laying slices of turkey down flat.  It’s boring and unoriginal.  I prefer to take each piece and fold it in half twice, making something similar to a quarter of a pie.  This gives the meat portion of the sandwich a bit of thickness and springiness it would not otherwise have.  I place one quarter on each edge, and one in the middle to fill the gap.  If I’m feeling particularly meaty, I may place one flat slice on top, as I did last night:

Finally, once all ingredients are placed, construction can be completed.  Take the top half of the sandwich, place your thumb on the middle of the stack of lettuce to hold it in place, and flip, placing it on top of the sandwich.  Once the two sides are connected, remove your thumb, as it would make the sandwich too thick and crunchy to really enjoy properly:

Enjoy!

-[insert IT LOOKS LIKE AN ELEPHANT EJACULATED ALL OVER THAT BREAD here]

I’m the Ambassador of Kickyourassador. I am the Walrus. I’m on a highway to the Danger Zone. I am the Kwisatz Haderach.

I do things with words that have a generally geeky gist.

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