In which we discuss the true origins of the director of The Room, the manipulations of Latverian funds and evil plans gone awry.
Why does Doctor Doom wear a mask? That is one of the questions that has been asked for years in comic book circles. The story goes that after an experiment went awry while Doom was still in college, his face was hideously disfigured. Thus, like any good reject of society, he becomes a super villain. But you know what? I don’t think that’s it. I think I’ve cracked the real reason as to why Doom hides his face behind the cold metal mask of a super powered dictator. Ladies and gentlemen, Victor von Doom is, in reality, film director Tommy Wiseau.
Now for those of you who are unfamiliar with Wiseau and his work, go rent The Room. If you can find it. Or find some way to watch it for cheap. Do it right now. I’ll wait. Time means nothing to me. I’m a written article. I’ll still be here when you get back. Here, I’ll put an ellipsis to showcase the passing of time. Ready?
I know! Wasn’t that a terrible movie?! And yet, somehow, it was one of the most entertaining things you’ve ever seen. Thus is the first connection between Wiseau and Doom. They both know and practice the dark arts. While in the guise of Doom, he uses them to trample underfoot those who would raise their hands against him, in his life as a simple film director he uses these arcane secrets to create movies that traverse all boundaries of what is conventionally considered “quality.” But wait. There is more.
You’ve of course seen the quality of this movie as I told you to watch the movie. You wouldn’t disobey me, would you? Of course not. So tell me, how does a man with the acting capabilities of an ill seagull and the writing talents of patio furniture get the funding for such an endeavor? The Room, by my recollection, cost $6 million to produce. How people? How does this happen? I have an answer. Wiseau funneled Latverian treasury funds into his own pockets to create this film. That’s just how dictators rule, yo. But the evidence doesn’t stop there my friends. Oh no. The truth goes ever deeper.
What country is Tommy Wiseau from, judging by his accent alone? I don’t know. I have no idea what dialect that is. I also have no idea what a Latverian accent would sound like. Some type of French/German thing is what I’ve always heard. Exactly the type of accent that a certain Mr. Wiseau holds. Is that a coincidence? Maybe. But I wouldn’t bet on it.
As if all of that nonsense wasn’t enough certifiable proof towards the connection between these two completely separate individuals, think about how the two have tried to crush their arch nemesi… nemeseses… nemmenensi… enemies. Doom has for years been devoted to the utter destruction of RICHARDS!!! and will do anything and everything in his means to bring that dream to fruition. He lives for the day when the world finally acknowledges that he, Victor von Doom, not Reed Richards, is the smartest man on the planet. Likewise, let us look at Tommy Wiseau and his feud with the web site That Guy With the Glasses. For those of you who don’t know about this situation, let’s make it a long story short type deal. The Nostalgia Critic, a popular feature on TGWTG, made a review of The Room. It grilled the crap out of it. Wiseau didn’t like that the Nostalgia Critic did that. So there came a threat of legal action. The review was taken down. True, the review was eventually put back up, and I know, that isn’t as evil as creating an army of Doombots, but man, who tries to get people’s reviews of their movies taken down? If a super villain is supposed to create fear… I mean, I’m afraid to post this article. I don’t want to get sued by Tommy Wiseau. So, just to cover my ass, I hereby acknowledge that you, Tommy Wiseau, are not actually the super villain Doctor Doom. He is a fictional character. You are not. I’m pretty sure. Whatever similarities you have between each other are purely coincidental.
But man, have you ever seen them in the same room together? Just saying. Check out this clip below. You’ll see what I’m talking about.