So They’re Making a Missile Command Movie

So They’re Making a Missile Command Movie

There are no words…

Burk Sharpless and Matt Sazama adapting. Peter Chernin and Dylan Clark producing through Chernin Entertainment. Atari president Jim Wilson executive producing. These are the people you must write letters to. These are the people who you must ask the all important question: why does the world need a Missile Command movie?

Variety is reporting this whole… enterprise – it’s the best non-cuss word I can think of. But you know the worst part? Their writings have reminded me of things I thought it best to forget. Like that Universal is making an Asteroids movie. Yeah, Asteroids. The game about a triangle that shoots rocks. Sony Pictures Animation has Rollercoaster Tycoon. You know, that game about you building rollercoasters? Yeah, thrilling story on that one. They also bring up things like Battleship and View-Master.

View-Master.

Fucking View-Master.

Go on without me children. I don’t think I want to carry on in this world anymore. I can’t live in a world where a movie about a pair of glasses with pictures in them is seen as a good idea.

  • Augustine Alan Gatto

    What do you want to bet, the View Master will be something like Jumanji, or a wanna-be Wardrobe series.

    Kids find some amazing “toy”, kids get sucked inside said toy, things get hopeless, kids find out they are stronger than they thought, SAVE THE DAY!!! , and then they get to go home, quirky little joke involving parents asking where they’ve been, child answers with a smirk, CREDITS!

    yay, I just wrote the script for the next 10 billion kids movies!

  • Chris

    On the other hand, a movie about a pair of glasses that let you see subliminal alien messages starring a professional wrestler is an absolutely fantastic idea. 😀

    Of course, remaking it and leaving out the glasses would be ridiculous, but surely nobody would be that stupid…

  • Austin

    What do you want to bet, the View Master will be something like Jumanji, or a wanna-be Wardrobe series.

    Kids find some amazing “toy”, kids get sucked inside said toy, things get hopeless, kids find out they are stronger than they thought, SAVE THE DAY!!! , and then they get to go home, quirky little joke involving parents asking where they’ve been, child answers with a smirk, CREDITS!

    yay, I just wrote the script for the next 10 billion kids movies!

  • Chris

    On the other hand, a movie about a pair of glasses that let you see subliminal alien messages starring a professional wrestler is an absolutely fantastic idea. 😀

    Of course, remaking it and leaving out the glasses would be ridiculous, but surely nobody would be that stupid…

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