Tom Cruise Might Star in “At the Mountains of Madness”

Tom Cruise Might Star in “At the Mountains of Madness”

Damn it, Tom Cruise, this is not Mission: Impossibly Horrific Monstrosities. This is Lovecraft. What are you doing in Lovecraft?

Okay, since we’re talking about the works of H.P. Lovecraft here, I’m gonna do my best to imitate his style from this point forth. It seems appropriate.

MTV has given us some disturbing information, like that one would gleam from opening up an ancient tome, a book whose flesh-like pages were covered in the dust of ages long past, ages seen not by the eyes of man. As you crack open this forbidden book, or web site as the case may be, you will see words made by no human hand meant to be spoken by no human tongue. These words were spoken by one James Cameron, he who created neon colored nightmares in the form of SmurfyCats. This man states that, while he is producing the work of master craftsman, Guilllermo del Toro, who is striving to bring the twisted and nightmarish visions of H.P. Lovecraft to a form of life, he will be doing so with the main character (or pawn, if you prefer) of the film being firmly set. This man, this brave soul who will traverse the Mountains of Madness will be… Tom Cruise.

Damn, writing like that hurts after a while. But seriously guys, Tom Cruise? Mission: Impossible’s Tom Cruise? War of the Worlds’ Tom Cruise? I mean… God, I want to trust Guillermo del Toro. He’s pretty much the only person on the planet I would trust with a Lovecraft movie. That guy wrote about monsters so twisted and alien that to see them would drive one mad. Who else but GDT could make monsters like that? But as Cameron says, “Tom does want to do the picture. I don’t think we have a deal with him yet, but we’re hoping to get that closed soon. Guillermo is madly working on a new draft of the script… Hopefully we’ll be shooting by June or July.” Which brings to my mind one very important question: why the eff would GDT want Tom Cruise to star in his moody horror movie? It brings to mind that script review which makes the entire project sound like Brendan Fraser’s Mummy movies. Oh man, do I not want that.

I dunno guys. Could Tom Cruise do this? Am I overreacting to having an action movie star cast in what should be a suspenseful horror film? I just really want this to be good. Lovecraft is one of the greats in fantasy and horror literature and I really want del Toro to pull this off. Then again, stranger things have happened. Like the fact that they’re making a Mission: Impossible IV.

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  • http://twitter.com/VivoEstSomnio Lindsey

    While your writing made me giggle uncontrollably (in a good way), I couldn’t help but be saddened by such terrible news. Hopefully Cameron is wrong, and people realize that Tom Cruise is never a good choice… never.

  • http://twitter.com/VivoEstSomnio Lindsey

    While your writing made me giggle uncontrollably (in a good way), I couldn’t help but be saddened by such terrible news. Hopefully Cameron is wrong, and people realize that Tom Cruise is never a good choice… never.

  • http://twitter.com/VivoEstSomnio Lindsey

    While your writing made me giggle uncontrollably (in a good way), I couldn’t help but be saddened by such terrible news. Hopefully Cameron is wrong, and people realize that Tom Cruise is never a good choice… never.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Steven-Finch/202200746 Steven Finch

    Your attempt to emulate the writing of Lovecraft, while a good attempt, is shallow since you have not read any Lovecraft. Leave the horror writing style to the professionals.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Steven-Finch/202200746 Steven Finch

    Your attempt to emulate the writing of Lovecraft, while a good attempt, is shallow since you have not read any Lovecraft. Leave the horror writing style to the professionals.