Sometimes I have difficulty figuring out just what I should be talking about in a given day. Thank you Nintendo for making today so very, very easy for me.
If you couldn’t figure out what this story is about from the headline alone, get out. I’m not interested in talking to someone like that. If you have figured it out, let us continue onward. Nintendo has announced that…well, several things have been announced. Let’s get a little foreshadowing going first. Even though you know what’s coming. Shut up, it’s called good narrative structure.
Nintendo has announced their financial earnings for the months of April through June. Guess what? They’re not good. Wii sales are down from three million in sales to 1.5 million, which kind of makes sense considering that nothing new and good is coming out for it at all. The Wii is in a huge rut until Skyward Sword comes out, after which they will then have…yeah, it’s pretty much Skyward Sword now. More surprisingly, the DS is down from 3.1 million to 1.4 million. Well, okay, we can understand that. The DS is now officially old hardware, what with the 3DS out and racking up sales and oh wait just one God damn minute!
710,000. Let that number sink in for a minute. Let it revolve around your mind, taking in its taste like a wine taster swirling around an exotic flavor in their mouth. It’s bitter, this particular wine, isn’t it? That’s because the number 710,000 represents the total number of 3DS units sold. Worldwide. As in, of all the people in the world, only 710,000 received a 3DS in that time period. Add to that the fact that the U.S. contributed only 110,000 to that number and that is…there’s no other word. That’s crap. Those are horrible, horrible sales numbers. So it’s no wonder that…
The 3DS just got a massive price cut. Starting next month you can experience glasses-less 3D for $170 instead of $250. That we are getting such a massive price cut so early in the console’s life span is near unprecedented. It also doesn’t take away the major reason that the 3DS isn’t doing well. Nintendo, listen closely. There are no damn games for the 3DS! The best one you have is Ocarina of Time, and, fantastic as that game is, we’ve played that before. We’re not spending $250 or $170 to play a game we’ve already played before. Hell, even Star Fox is a remake of an already existing game. You know what you have coming up? Super Mario 3D and Kid Icarus. Those are the big, new games people want to play.
So what else is Nintendo doing to sweeten the pot? Oh, get this. I’m going to post this directly from the press release. You’ll see why in a second.
Since Nintendo 3DS launched in the United States on March 27, more than 830,000 people in the U.S. alone have purchased one to enjoy 3D visuals without the need for special glasses. These Nintendo 3DS owners represent some of Nintendo’s most loyal customers, and Nintendo is rewarding them for getting in on the action early with 20 free downloadable games from the Nintendo eShop.
These free games are available to anyone who owns a Nintendo 3DS system and uses a wireless broadband Internet signal to connect to the Nintendo eShop at least once before 11:59 p.m. Eastern time on Aug. 11. These users will automatically be registered in the Nintendo 3DS Ambassador program. The program contains two elements:
- Starting Sept. 1, Nintendo 3DS Ambassadors will be able to download 10 NES™ Virtual Console™ games at no charge and before they are available in the Nintendo eShop to the general public. These games, including Super Mario Bros.™, Donkey Kong Jr.™, Balloon Fight™, Ice Climber™ and The Legend of Zelda™, are slated to become paid downloadable games, but Ambassadors get them early for free. Once the paid versions of the games are posted to the Nintendo eShop later in the year, the updated versions will be available to Ambassadors for download at no cost.
- By the end of 2011, Nintendo will provide Ambassadors with 10 Game Boy Advance Virtual Console games. These include games like Yoshi’s Island™: Super Mario™ Advance 3, Mario Kart™: Super Circuit, Metroid™ Fusion, WarioWare™, Inc.: Mega Microgame$ and Mario vs. Donkey Kong™. These games will be available exclusively to Ambassadors, and Nintendo currently has no plans to make these 10 games available to the general public on the Nintendo 3DS in the future.
Hang on. You see that? Let’s go back a sentence.
These games will be available exclusively to Ambassadors, and Nintendo currently has no plans to make these 10 games available to the general public on the Nintendo 3DS in the future.
Nintendo, why are you making a promotion exclusive to people who already own a 3DS if the big problem here is that not many people own a 3DS? Could someone explain that to me please?
I love ya Big N, I really do. You were my first, my best. Nobody can ever truly forget their first love and what that felt like. You will always have a place in my heart. That’s why I say this to you. This is not the way to fix things. Price isn’t the problem. Games are. You need games man. More games. Get publishers and developers back on board. You need new games. Games we’ve never played before. Mario and Zelda can only carry you so far. I never thought I would seriously say it, but I don’t want you to end up like Sega. That already broke my heart.