After our trip to the Apple Store a couple of nights ago, we stopped by a See’s Candies shop, as it was on our way out of the mall, and we wanted some free candy samples. We walked in and picked up a couple of interesting shelf items before standing in line for the good stuff. Shortly after, one of the sales associates finished with her customer and came to serve us. We tried a couple of samples each (usually only one is offered, but she offered us two (we tend to get along very well with service professionals (that’s what they like being called, right?))), and made our order (Lindsey got three Scotchmallows (marshmallow and caramel covered in dark chocolate (I dislike the flavor of dark chocolate)), and I got three Vanilla Creams (vanilla buttercream and English walnuts covered in milk chocolate (the English walnuts are broken and mixed in with the buttercream))).
Lindsey made a small complaint about her tooth hurting (she has one cavity left (that we know of (she had the other five worked on already without drugs)) and isn’t willing to get it worked on because it would require the use of a needle and Novocaine (Lindsey hates needles, and she’s worried about the numbing effects of Novocaine (which I think are kind of fun))), and Lo! and Behold! (using the exclamation marks like that mid-sentence is acceptable as the phrase “Lo! and Behold!” is an idiom (not a stupid person, but a cultural expression) containing two expressions (Lo! = Look!, Behold! = Behold! (the second one is a bit more self-explanitory, I agree)), and as each expression within the idiom (see above, you silly person) is meant to be a solitary expression, each expression receives its own punctuation (the fact that they are combined into one idiom (what, again?) is merely to add weight to the intended meaning (alternately, it could be argued that to Look! (Lo!) is to see, and to Behold! (Behold!) is to understand (I prefer this explanation, because it creates a more solid idiom (now I’m just doing it on purpose))))), the associate informed us that she was, in fact, the back office manager of a dental office in Fresno, and had spent a few years as a dental assistant!
Immediately in my mind, images and thoughts of a widespread secret world of espionage and power struggles between the nefarious Chocolate Empire and the devious Dentist’s Guild began to take form. Was the associate working within the Chocolate Empire as a way to damage its integrity by pushing extra samples on unsuspecting bystanders in hopes of causing cavities, thereby turning the bystander into an enemy of chocolate, giving the Dentist’s Guild an advantage in numbers? Or perhaps she infiltrated the Dentist’s Guild as a way to counter the negative chocolate propaganda machine of the world of Dentistry! Perhaps she causes immense pain in her patients to repel them from their dentists!
Perhaps the Chocolate Empire and the Dentist’s Guild are less hostile towards each other than she thinks. It is my guess that the two giants are interdependent! Without chocolate to cause cavities, where will the Dentist’s Guild find teeth to toy with? Without dentistry to correct cavities, where will the Chocolate Empire find new subjects?
Dr. Chocolate, your cover is blown!
Oh, and I think parentheses are fucking AWESOME.
-Because I said so
