I honestly don’t even know how to start this off without laughing hysterically, but I will try.
Very rarely do I use mayo. Why? Because it’s basically eggs and oil combined to create a creamy white substance. I do not care for creamy white substances in my mouth, and you may interpret that however you want. On sandwiches I prefer mustard, but with my reflux, the vinegar in mustard just kills me. To avoid having a dry sandwich, I am forced to use a little bit of mayo.
Wanting tuna sandwiches, we purchased one of those squeezable mayo containers. It’s easier than using a jar, and it takes up less space in the fridge. To have a tuna sandwich without mayo is a sin, and it would be really dry. We had that particular mayo container for close to about a month. It was maybe half empty, but still had a lot of use left in it… that is until Chris got a hold of it.
About a week ago Chris got on this kick to make some sandwiches. We went to the grocery store around the corner, bought what we needed (cheese, deli meats, etc) and went home. Everything seemed pretty normal until several hours later, when I went into the kitchen, I saw the mayo bottle on the counter and we both didn’t trust it to be safe. So much for that bottle.
A couple of days ago Chris went to the grocery store to get another bottle of mayo, a bottle of ketchup (since our other one is now empty), some lettuce, and I believe a few other things. Shortly after he got home, he made some more sandwiches. He also made this yogurt thing of his, in which he had to go to the fridge to get the ingredients, and he was standing right in front of where the mayo bottle was on the counter.
We ate our sandwiches, and a couple of hours passed before I got up, refilled my glass with some water, and as I was doing that I glanced at the counter. What was there? THE BOTTLE OF NEW MAYO!
I couldn’t believe it! So my conversation with Chris went a little something like this:
Me: Sweetie! You left the brand new mayo out!
Chris: I did? Oh… shit, I’m so sorry.
Me: Sweeetttiiieeee, how could you forget?!?
Chris: Well, I was busy making (his yogurt thingy) and I just forgot.
Me: But it was right there on the counter in front of you…
Later on that evening I had a snack. A sliced apple with a caramel dipping sauce. Since the dipping sauce is in a large container, I only had to use a little bit of it, I got up and said “Sweetie… I’m now getting up and putting it BACK IN THE FRIDGE.” Chris laughed at me a little because he knew I was making fun of him, but he probably has some crazy subconscious vendetta against mayo.
Yesterday we ended up going to the grocery store to get a couple of things, and of course a new bottle of mayo, and since we haven’t used it yet, it is safe in the fridge… for now. Should something happen to this third bottle of mayo, you all know who to blame, and it certainly isn’t going to be me.
– Me
