As a fan of real vampire movies, I can’t even begin to describe how disgusted I am by the Twilight books and films. If you are a fan of either, I’m sorry. Not only do you have poor taste, but I think you need to get some serious psychiatric help. There’s been an on-going debate between fans of Harry Potter and Twilight. Today, I’m here to settle it. There are so many ways in which Harry Potter is superior to Twilight, but rather than beating the issue like a dead horse, I will focus on the important things, like how vampires don’t sparkle.
First up, Harry vs Edward:
Throughout the Harry Potter books, we see Harry grow from a young boy to a man who can stand up to his wretched family, and most importantly, Voldemort. We see character growth, real struggle, and readers embark on a journey that starts as far back as his parents being brutally murdered. Harry has some major baggage, and it’s obvious by the scar on his forehead. Harry is a character people can look up to, a character readers have grown up with and have connected on a level that’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen in a long time. Adolescents, teenagers, and adults all identify with Harry at some point or another, and when he begins to get ballsy, that’s where he really shines.
When you think about it, it has to be tough being Harry. Not only does he not have any parents, but what is left of his family is just terrible. Dumbledore became a figure he could look up to, but we all know that Dumbledore died as well. Harry had his godfather, Sirius Black, but Sirius died too. Come to think of it, it’s astonishing that Ron or Hermoine didn’t bite the dust. I guess J.K. Rowling had a conscience in there somewhere.
Now, with Edward Cullen, you have a man who was born in 1901, and has been a vampire since 1918. His adoptive father turned him into a vampire to prevent Edward from dying in the Spanish influenza epidemic. So that makes him, permanently, 17 years old. At least he doesn’t have to worry about voting, being drafted, or anything else important. The book Twilight came out in 2005, so let’s just say that the book takes place in the same year. Edward then is 104. Edward, at the ripe ol’ age of 104 is still attending high school. Since I don’t read the books, I imagine it’s to not raise suspicions. Anyways, it’s pretty gross to think that a man that old is in school with underage girls.
Edward sparkles in the sun, tries to resist is attraction to the sweet smell of the blood in the lead female, Bella, and is basically a pedophile. Yeah, I said it. Your beloved Edward Cullen is a pedophile covered in pixie dust. Get over it. Anyways, the dude delivers the baby him and Bella end up conceiving after marriage, and as a thank you to Bella, turns her into a vampire. Isn’t love grand?
Harry has magic, a pet owl, and a gaggle of wizards who are willing to defend him. Edward has superhuman strength, speed, endurance, and agility. Oh, Edward is also “inhumanly beautiful.” Personally, I’d choose magic, a badass pet, and spells like Avada Kedavra any day.
Second, the villains:
Voldemort was not a guy to fuck around with. He was willing to try and kill a child, and in order to preserve himself, he was willing to split up his soul. SPLIT UP HIS SOUL! He also had a large snake, so that gives him like 10 extra cool points. What added to the “oh shit” factor for Voldemort was that you weren’t even allowed to say his name. That’s how awesome and scary he was. Sure, he ends up being defeated in the end, but when do people ever to the right thing and let the bad guys win? Voldemort never hesitated in getting rid of loose ends, and Snape found out first hand when Nagini got him in the throat. Seriously, don’t fuck around with Voldemort.
In Twilight, you have these Italian vampires known as the Volturi. Oooh, so scary. Basically their deal is that they make sure that vampires stay away from humans, because they want to keep their existence a secret. Apparently they’ve never heard of Dracula, because if they had, they’d know their cover was blown ages ago. So, the Volturi discover that Bella knows about them, and they demand that she is either turned into one of them (One of us! One of us!), or is assimilated. They end up coming back around later to destroy Edwards family, and then they come back again because they’ve been tipped off that Edward and Bella have created an immortal child. So. Freaking. Scary. (please, detect my sarcasm) If these guys, who supposedly have been around for over 3000 years, are so terrifying, why do they have to keep coming back? Get the job done the first time, wipe your hands clean, and move on! I mean really….
Third, vampires don’t sparkle:
I don’t care what you say, how you say it, or what you say it with. VAMPIRES DO NOT SPARKLE. In fact, they can’t be out in the sun at all. Had Edward and the rest of his prissy crew been real vampires, they would’ve turned to dust the second the felt the nice, clean rays of the sun hit their flesh. POOF! DUST! Kthnx. Obviously, I’m not a 16 year old girl, so I don’t get my socks rocked by the thought of a man who is 104 and looks like he got into my makeup drawer, but hey… whatever works for you.
Also… Twilight attracts fans like this:
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Finally, Harry Potter is about more than a stupid “vampire love story”
In the Harry Potter series, we are given an entirely new world filled with new characters, new creatures, a new language, new everything! J.K. Rowling didn’t decide that she was going to put Harry Potter growing up in some random city in Kansas. No, she had him go to this world that was unknown to humans, to Hogwarts, to do things like fly on a broom and play Quidditch, to do things like eat a plant so he could grow gills like a fish and swim in a lake. Harry Potter was the man. The story was also about more than just Harry. We learned so much about the motives of Snape, of Dumbledore, and many others. Sure you had the sappy romances like Harry & Ginny, Rom & Hermoine, and a bunch of others, but the entire series didn’t revolve around it and make you feel like you had to grab a bottle of Pepto-Bismol. Harry Potter was GOOD.
Children who had no interest in reading discovered a world where anything was possible, and it probably caused some kids to become readers for life. Will Twilight do that? No… I don’t think so. Why? Because it can’t offer nowhere nearly as much as what Harry Potter can, and it never will. The next time you are in a book store, take a Twilight novel, and a Harry Potter novel, and compare the two side by side. Check to see how many pages are in both, and it will become disgustingly obvious that not only did J.K. Rowling put in more thought and passion into her novels, but she wanted to give the readers something to sink their teeth into. (Like what I did there?)
Anyways, try and convince me otherwise, but it just won’t work. Harry Potter is, and forever will be, better than Twilight. Now, if you want to get into a serious debate, ask me about Pirates vs. Ninjas.
