Review: Ms. Splosion Man (Xbox 360)

It would pretty much be the perfect action puzzle game if that stupid bitch would just shut the hell up at times.

I missed the first Splosion Man game. Apparently it was quite popular, and after playing his pink female duplicate’s game, I can’t say that I don’t understand why that is. This is one of those games that is incredibly simple yet astonishingly complex all at once. It throws you into a meat grinder and wants you to explode your way out, but in a clever way. All in all, you could say that the game is a real blast. Actually, no, you couldn’t, because that would be cliche and awful. It’s still a good game though.

You know exactly what Ms. Splosion Man is when you look at the controls. Every button splodes you. Or explodes you, to be more English-language accurate. Every interaction with your environment is an explosion. Let that sink in for a second. Feel its aroma surround you. Examine the gaming possibilities.  Now look. You see a barrel. Explode near it. You go flying. Ah, but the path is blocked by a door. Explode by it. It swings open. Oh no, hot and bubbling acid!  Explode across the gap. There is a switch. Do you touch it? Yes you do, because you are an independent and modern Ms. Splosion Man. Several barrels fall. You must time your explosions to reach each barrel. You come to a room. There are switches and revolving doors and acid pits and barrels, so many barrels. Oh no, now it’s not so easy anymore.

That’s what Ms. Splosion Man is. It’s a puzzle game where explosions solve puzzles. But think of another action puzzle game. Think of Portal. You thinking of it? Good. Portal is genius. Brilliant. But it’s worth exactly one play through. You learn the stages, you know how to beat the stages. Figure it out once, the game is over. Not true with Ms. Splosion Man. Even if you know how to do something, actually doing it takes some skill. These are not just simple puzzles. These puzzles want to kick your ass and make you crying shells of men, devoid of hope and spirit. But you will laugh in their faces. You will complete these puzzles because God dammit every single button explodes you!

You know what else is great? No you don’t because I haven’t told you yet. Multiplayer is great. There. Now I have told you. Know it to be the truth. It’s like the single player, but the levels require multiple Ms. Splosion Men. Again, think Portal 2 and its co-op. It’s an entirely different experience that takes the basics of the single player and requires you to be besties with someone else to get through it. Anyone looking for a good co-op game should really check this out.

Oh, and did I mention that this game is hilarious by the way? Because it is. In fact, every single bit of visual and audio craftsmanship put in it…well, not every, but let’s save that for a bit…nearly every single bit of visual and audio craftsmanship put into it is brilliant. The tutorial is the most hilarious one I’ve ever seen. Ms. Splosion Man’s interactions with the enemies are great. There are several cool parodies of classic sci-fi movies. The pause menu features a song about donuts. And could someone explain to me the meat thing? There is a recurring thing about meat in the game. I don’t get it. Funny, sure, but still. Guys, come on, explain.

Now there are two things that could be seen as complaints, but mostly they are just nit picks. First, there are a few puzzle sections that go way too long before a checkpoint. But to be perfectly fair, most of the time you are dying it’s totally your fault. But there are a few times in there that you just curse whatever gods you choose to curse at the difficulty this game throws your way. Just one more checkpoint here and there would have made all the difference.

The second problem is a bit more annoying…Ms. Splosion Man is an annoying bitch. She constantly talks. She is always quoting pop songs from Madonna and the Spice Girls and things like that. Giggling…just shouting things…and when you explode her? When you get the catharsis of exploding the vapid and bleating whore, she talks more! Sweet mercy has the mute button never been a closer friend to me.

So that’s it. Go buy this game. It’s good. Just have the mute button on hand. Or find a way to drown out the chattering of Ms. Splosion Man. Like surround sound Mozart. Or throwing a cat at a wall repeatedly.