It’s October, and while he gets a whole day in September, here at Marooner’s Rock we all know that it’s Batman Month! And we’re kicking it off with the worst of the worst, the absolute lamest villains in Batman’s rogues gallery.
For every Joker or Bane, there’s going to be one of these guys. These are the villains that are just the lamest foes Batman’s ever fought. And to get on this list, you have to have not really improved in time. It’s not a countdown, because no one here is winning anything.
Killer Moth
So, this guy decided to try and be a super villain by coming to the aid of criminals, using gadgets and vehicles themed after a moth. He even had a Moth-Signal for criminals to call him for aid. In other words, the anti-Batman. He’s one of the earliest examples of a villain who wasn’t taken seriously in-universe as much as out. His main claim to fame was that he was the villain Barbara Gordon debuted against when she become Batgirl. In the 90’s-2000’s, he sold his soul to become a big moth monster. Because this moron knew how to aim high in life. Several other people have appeared to take the name, and mainly are just tech-and-weapon type villains who exist to get beaten by Batman and his allies.
Crazy Quilt
So, Robin blinds this guy, and as a result he can only see in blinding colors that drove him mad. This led to him developing an obsession with Batman’s sidekick, and his helmet allows him to fire beams of light. And he’s on this list for two reasons: firstly, he’s one of the few villains to obsess on killing Robin, and given how often the child beats him, it’s sad to see at times. The other thing is his ridiculous theme. Crazy Quilt is an abstract piece that should never be showcased in a major gallery (sorry, had to make a joke about him).
Cluemaster
Quick, name a Batman villain whose whole thing is committing crimes and leaving clues to what he’s planning! If you guessed Riddler, you’ve immediately clocked onto Cluemaster’s first mistake. He’s basically a lame knockoff of Riddler, and his only major claim to fame now is that he’s father of Bat-family ally, Stephanie Brown, who began and is again the Spoiler (because she liked to ruin his plans), and was briefly both a Robin and Batgirl. Right now, they’re trying to make him cool by building on his adversarial relationship with his daughter, but you can’t ever get past the fact that he not only tried to imitate Riddler, he didn’t even do it well.
Ten-Eyed Man
So, a Vietnam War veteran is sent home after suffering an injury and becomes a security guard. He’s attacked and while his vision is still blurry, attacks Batman instead of the crooks who attacked him. The bomb that they left behind goes off, permanently blinding him. Blaming Batman, for some reason, he gets a doctor to reconnect his optic nerves to another part of his body so he can see. And this moron gets them reconnected to his fingertips. Literally all his fights against anyone conclude with someone throwing something at him that he always catches, injuring his eyes since they’re now on his hands. Seriously, Ten-Eyed Man is a villain a child with a strong throw and a baseball could beat. Have you tried punching someone with your eyes? No? Because you’re a lot smarter that Ten-Eyed Man, that’s why.
Kite-Man
Just say his name. Say it. I’ll wait.
If you didn’t laugh just from his name, you’re made of sterner stuff than I am. This idiot committed to a theme, and that theme was inexplicably kites. He had one on his back that allowed him to fly, he threw some as weapons, he just was kite-obsessed. And all I keep waiting for is one story where a strong breeze or a lightning bolt just puts him out of our miseries.
Batman Month is underway, so keep watching this space to see what happens next.
